B"H

RESTLESSNESS

Monday, September 8th

I can't keep up this tight, controlled, repetative work! It's so boring because I can't get into the Zen space it requires & I'm not *doing* anything, I'm just making letters (dayenu!). & they're horrible!
I mean, to an untrained eye they probably look great - seriously. But *my* eyes aren't untrained & neither are my sofer's. There's an empirical standard I must achieve.
I worked myself silly until 11am & then slept til 3 pm

Back into R' Nebenzahl - "One who wishes to check if his soul is following the straight & narrow path should compare it to each kotz (oketz = thorn or in this case serif) & tag (Zayin-shaped crown) of the Torah, to see whether or not his soul is following an identical pattern. Any discrepancy is a sign that he has not maintained his natural sense of "right", A sign that he has followed the majority in his miscalculating ethical standards - & thereby his heart has become misaligned & is no longer attuned to the infinite wisdom of TORAH" p.187
"The essential truth which our Sages teach us here, is that man must choose a profession that will serve to enhance his spirituality - his intrinsic Torah vales & mitzvah observance." p.199
Well, I believe I'm doing both here. At least, I am in that process. Of this I have no doubt. Barukh HaShem.
I heard Coldplay - their song "G@d Put a Smile Upon Your Face"...
I spent a halfhour in my sofer's studio in a critique session - he was quite charitable about the work I did on the watercolour paper. Which I was surprised at, because this is the work I considered particularly sub-standard. & he's very critical - I mean *discerning* ;+> - & exceptionally honest with me about my work, which is like gold to me. We're going to take the next step now...
!!!