BS"D

JALALUDIN RUMI

"paradise is surrounded by what we dislike;
the fires of hell are surrounded by what we desire."
- from Mathnawi II, 1837

This has been a recurrent theme throughout my life. & not just mine. It's the human experience.
I recently sat in my garden with a Wise Woman friend, enjoying the mellow late afternoon summer sun & admiring how well my Jerusalem artichokes are growing. Joel & I *love* Jerusalem artichokes. As we chatted, she asked me if I had ever returned to fencing. I replied whistfully that I hadn't, but that I wanted to make time for it.
I had let it go after an unfortunate car accident 2 years ago had left me with serious full-body whiplash, but B"H nothing worse. I'd been stopped at an intersection, signalling to turn, when an uninsured drived rear-ended me at full speed. Just another nudge from G@d to remind me that I was not on my right derekh (path). I have noticed each time I have wandered from my destiny, even if I just stop reaching to it for a second, G@d smashes me with a car.
The first time was that morning in 1991 when my right hand was crushed by a car in a bike accident. The same hand which is now "bionic". The same hand which is now disabled. The same hand with which I write a Sefer Torah.
I used to compete in fencing. I left competition as I committed my life to mitzvot, which meant fencing tournaments on Shabbat with their electrical equipment had to be left behind. It saddened me, but I could still spar with other swordspeople. I fenced at UBC & at Mount Pleasant until the accident. But 2 years on, after all this physiotherapy, chiropractice care, pilates & massage, I feel ready.
SO, why fencing? Why the art of the foil? Why any kind of weaponry? Well, because of the Rumi quote above. My entire life I have found it necessary to be self sufficient, as only G@d can be trusted fully. To fight for what I knew I could attain, as the way has often been blocked. To defend myself, if necessary. But the sword is just a red herring. A means to an end. It's the sleight of hand meant to distract from the real purpose: that which is behind the eyes of us all - our will.
My whole life I engaged in swordplay, excelled at archery, scored high in hand gun target practice. & now what do I do? I write.
Instead of waving a big metal pointy thing around to execute my will, I wave around a feather to transcribe the word of G@d.
We learn that base metals like iron must never come into contact with the qlaf (parchment) or the d'yo (ink) used to make a Sefer Torah, because these metals are symbolic of violence & war. This is why Ashkenazim write with a quill & Mizrachim use a reed. This is why we scrape our errors away with a shard of glass, score our lines with a rose thorn, & sew the sheets together with gold-plated needles.
Perhaps instead of defending my heart from the outside world with a sword, I should turn inward & correct the errors to be found therein with a broken mirror.
Perhaps engaging in this process would truly prepare me to copy G@d's utterance.
B"H